INFORMATION FOR SURVIVORS OF DOMESTIC ASSAULT OR ABUSE
In order for an individual to abuse, he or she is making a clear choice to do so. They do not “lose it”, “lose control”, “blow up”, etc. They are not “out of control” – actually, they are in “hyper-control” – meaning, they will do more control in order to get you to do what they want.Abuse is not caused by drugs or alcohol – it is caused by the individual’s belief system that gives them permission to do harm. Stress, mental illness or anger does not cause abuse - it is caused by the individual’s belief system that gives them permission to do harm. Nothing you said or did caused him/her to abuse you. Everyone has angry feelings, and many choose not to hurt others because of it.Batterers generally blame others for their feelings or problems. They lack accountability in many areas and often will blame you for their abuse of you.Batterers will try to isolate you – keep you from the people and activities that are important to you. They often do this in the guise of “being for your own good.”Batterers are often jealous – of other people you talk to, of your family members, friends, and even your pets or children. Batterers can be either extremely responsible or extremely irresponsible. Both are control tactics. Batterers believe that every attempt you make to be an equal is an attempt to control them, which is their own perspective of relationships. Batterers who are in intervention will often use the information they gather in the program against you. If this occurs, you may contact the program immediately and so advise them of this behavior. Completion of a program is no guarantee that an individual will stop being abusive. Some individuals stop the physical abuse, but become more gifted in emotional abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse, sexual or use of children to abuse you.
FOR REFERRAL TO A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT GROUP, PLEASE CONTACT THE FOLLOWING AGENCIES:
(503) 771-5503 Volunteers of America, Home Free
(503) 232-7805 Bradley Angle House
(503) 640-5352 Domestic Violence Resource Center
(503) 669-8350 El Programa Hispano (Spanish)
(503) 654-2288 Clackamas Women’s Services